ArcaMax

Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!

What's a mushroom?
The place they store the school food!

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!

My teacher reminds me of history
She's always ...Read more

A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.

The man said, "Cure it? I want to prolong it."

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And ...Read more

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a ...Read more

- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

- Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

- If you think nobody cares, try ...Read more

A client recently brought her two cats in to my husband's veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other was a long, sleek black cat. She watched closely as I put each on the scale. "They weigh about the same," I told her.

"That proves it!" she exclaimed. "Black does make you ...Read more

Three mischievous boys skipped school one day and instead went to the zoo one day for an outing.

They decided to visit the elephant cage first, but soon enough, they were picked up by a zoo security officer for causing a commotion.

The officer hauled them off to the Security Office for questioning.

The supervisor in charge asked each of ...Read more

A lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client, who had attended the trial, was out of town when the jury came back with its decision, which was for the lawyer and his client.

The lawyer immediately sent a telegram to his client, reading, "Justice has triumphed!"

The client wired back, "Appeal at once!"

A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25 each -- three for a dollar."

All day long, customers came in exclaiming: "Don't be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!"

Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix ...Read more

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911.

When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

"It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out,...Read more

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He walks up to the bar and takes a seat, the giraffe does the same. The man orders a beer for himself and a double scotch for the giraffe. They both proceed to drink and after a while they order the same again.

They continue all night, ordering the same drinks, drinking them and ordering another load ...Read more

An elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.

Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked,so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved, "I love you,Sally."

...Read more